Magical Mobile Soldier: Tia Gundam
by tiakallRiikii
Summary: Now available at your local retailer, the saga of two boys and one of the most bizarre super robots ever.
1. Episode 1: What the hell is that thing?

**Episode 1:** _What the hell is that thing?_

***THUD***  
That was the sound of a fist connecting with stomach. To be more specific, the first of Derrik, the local ringleader of the bullies, and the stomach of Souji Kanno, said Derrik's favorite target. Target fell to the ground, hand over his abdomen, as bully watched, pleased.  
Derrik prodded the downed boy with a foot. "Had enough, weenie?"  
"Yes," he managed to gasp out between choked breaths.  
Derrik hauled Souji to his feet by the boy's turtleneck. Souji looked to the side, avoiding his eyes. "Hm, maybe I should let you go...and maybe I shouldn't. What do you guys think?"  
Sneers and laughs floated around the group. Derrik smirked and lifted Souji off the ground. "What do you think, geek?"  
Souji was well used to the routine. "Derrik, you're a much better person than I could ever hope to be. I know whatever you choose, it'll be the right thing, because you're so smart you're always right. Much smarter than me."  
Derrik puffed up with pride and let Souji go. The boy dropped to the ground, not moving as the group dispersed around him, a few aiming kicks at him. He stayed still, waiting paitently until they were all gone.  
"Souji?"  
The sound of the familiar voice let him know the coast was clear. Souji got up and dusted himself off calmly. Keru looked on concernedly. "You okay?"  
"Yeah, nothing my already shot to hell ego can't take," he muttered. Keru offered him a hankerchief to wipe the blood off his face. Souji accepted. "Did you make this? I don't want to stain it."  
"Yes, I did. Don't worry about staining it; I'll frame it if that happens."  
Souji winced inwardly. He had a feeling the rather effeminite Keru had a crush on him, but the boy had yet to say anything about it. He finished wiping the grime off and passed it back. "Thanks."  
Keru looked away. "Sorry I couldn't help. I saw what was going on, but I just stayed hidden," he said regretfully.  
Souji shrugged. "Not like there was a whole lot you could have done."  
"I could have tried," Keru protested.  
"And done what, gotten your medical insurance raised? Thanks, but no thanks."  
Keru sighed to himself as Souji collected his scattered books. "Hey, wanna come by my place for a bit? I've got a new piece I'm dying to show you."  
"Sure."  
Both boys were quiet as they walked toward Keru's family's house, one of the few buried in the middle of the city. The uncomfortable silence was getting to Keru. He opened his mouth to say something, and ended up falling on Souji. "Whuph!"  
"Gack!"  
Keru blushed severely and stammered an apology as both got back to their feet, only to be knocked over again.  
"Somehow, I don't think this is just clumsiness," Souji commented.  
"Ya think?" Keru replied as the ground began to rumble.  
They came around the corner, in rows of twos and threes, destroying anything in their path--buildings, cars, cows, lampposts, and the occasional unlucky pedestrian. They were huge, their white skin reflecting the sunlight painfully. They were...  
...  
..._eggs_.  
"Uh oh..." Souji managed as he got back to his feet again, leaning on a lamppost to keep himself from being knocked down again.  
"They're coming this way, Souji," Keru said urgently. "We gotta get out of here."  
"Right." With a minimum of staggering from the shaking ground, the two boys took off.  
Note. When a monster has the ability to cover in a single step what it takes you twenty steps to cover, outrunning it is a bad idea.  
"Iyah!" Keru yelped as a large foot smashed the ground just behind him. "Souji, this ain't working!"  
"You think I don't know that?" Souji yelled back.  
Another foot thudded to the ground inbetween them. The ground creaked ominously, spiderweb cracks appearing in the cement.  
"Oh God..." Keru groaned.  
"Not good," Souji agreed.  
The ground gave way. 

****commercial break****

Souji coughed, trying to get the dust out of his lungs as he got to his feet. He dusted his school uniform off, wincing at the bruises he'd get from this tumble to add to his collection courtesy of Derrik. Nearby, Keru grumbled something as he put a hand to his head. "Daijoubu desu ka?"  
"Hai." Souji looked up through the hole they'd come through. Above, the egg-monsters appeared to be peering into the hole. "We'd better get out of here."  
Keru looked around. "Looks like we fell into some kind of underground passageway. Let's get away from the friendly neighborhood tamago-bakemonos."  
Souji snorted in amusement as he joined the other boy. Both suddenly froze as the ground above them vibrated. "What're they doing up there?" Souji muttered.  
Keru paled. "They must be trying to collapse this passageway!"  
"_Why?_"  
"Because it's destructive and would most likely kill us?"  
"Good point."  
"They're _eggs_. Do they need other thought processes?"  
Another rumble from overhead broke up the conversation as both began to run for it, sprinting down the hall. Keru was the more fit of the two, and he began pulling ahead. He didn't notice immediately when Souji stopped, leaning his hands on his knees and gasping for breath. When he did, he halted and went back. "Souji!"  
"Don't stop, keep going!" Souji managed between pants, forcing himself back to a hurried stumble.   
Keru got behind him and pushed him forward. "Let's go!"  
The ceiling of the underground tunnel could finally take no more. It began falling in, starting at the hole already created but quickly moving down the corridor.  
"Yeeaugh!"  
The **WHUMPH** of rushing air created by the collapse threw Souji forward roughly. He lay there for a minute, then got up, coughing from all the dust. "Keru?" he managed to call out. He couldn't make out anything through the thick dust.  
Suddenly, the hairs on the back of his neck rose, as Souji got the uncanny notion that someone was watching him. He turned slowly.  
It was sitting demurely, hands in lap, as if inviting him to have a cup of tea. With the exception of the long black braid and the dull blue eyes, it was a muted silver from head to flared bootlike feet. It was perfectly modeled in the form of a human female.  
"Su...sugoi..."  
The ominous rumbling down the corridor broke his train of thought. Without thinking, he ran over to the robot and scrambled up the side, blushing madly as his hands crawled up certain awkward anatomical areas of the seemingly naked robot. "Su-sumimasen," he stammered, blushing, as he found the hatch opening just below what would have been the collarbone. He opened it and crawled inside.  
The cockpit was very simplisticly laid out, not having much more than a viewscreen, controls on the armrests, a joystick, and foot pedals. Souji hesitantly touched the joystick, and the whole cockpit lit up.  
Souji was abruptly thrown from the seat violently. A group of the eggs had wandered into the tunnel and now were pelting him with smaller hardboiled egg missile types. Souji bit back a curse as he crawled back into the chair and began pressing buttons at random. "C'mon, work..."  
Keru groaned as he rubbed his head and tried to move. His legs were trapped under the pile of debris. He struggled to get loose as the eggs loomed over him. One of them 'saw' him and gleefully brought down a foot to create a Keru smear across the floor.  
Bright blue eyes flashed to life as the super robot sprang into action, whipping an enormous mallet out of nowhere and smashing it into the egg. It skidded down the hall, turning into a messy splat at the end. The robot whirled, smashing another egg into the wall. Within a few moments, the hallway was covered in yolk, but there were no more standing eggs. The robot crouched, then leapt out of the hole. Keru blinked, then scrambled to his feet and followed. 

_haah...hahh...hah..._  
Souji found himself breathing hard, as if he'd been exercising heavily. He struggled to catch his breath as he blinked and looked around, trying to catch his bearings.  
What had just happened? He didn't seem to recall the last few minutes. Opening the hatch, he peered out.  
His eyes widened in surprise. In the few-block radius that he could see, there were no more walking monsters, just tons of egg everywhere. Yolk dripped off the red mallet the robot still clutched in one hand.  
"Did I...did I do this?"

_preview for _**_Episode 2_**_: You can't keep a giant robot in the barn!_  
  
Keru stumbled through the remains the salamander had left behind, vainly searching for something that hadn't been totally destroyed. His fingers uncovered a broken canvas. He clutched it to his chest, tears brimming in his eyes.  
Souji paused several feet away. "Keru...?"  
"Destroy him, Souji."  
"Huh?" Souji's eyes widened in surprise.  
Keru looked over his shoulder, his expression full of hurt and rage. "Kill him, Souji. Such a philistine doesn't deserve to live. I'll help you out however I can. Just, please..."  
"I...I understand." 

_(subtitles/Japanese lesson)  
"Daijoubu desu ka?" = "Are you okay?"  
"Hai." = "Yes."  
"tamago-bakemonos" = "egg-monsters"  
"Su...Sugoi..." = "A...Awesome..."  
"Su-sumimasen." = "E-excuse me."_

_Credits:  
Souji played by: Himself  
Keru played by: Himself  
Derrik played by: You guessed it, himself.  
Tamago-bakemonos played by: Represenatives for the American Heart Association  
Various thugs played by: FOX executives_

_Tia Gundam named and designed by: Medius  
Illustration/additional design by tiakall/Riikii  
Ec the Lion: Official cat-hater of...somewhere.  
Khandreia: Official resigned oneesama.  
Lone Wolf: Gets credit for just being there._

_Script by tiakall/Riikii  
Based on 'Ikuze! Salmon Comet Hygogg!' RPG, original concept by Medius  
This story is purely a work of fiction. Any references to real people or places is awfully freaky. o_o;  
Tia Gundam resides here: http://asstjunk.homestead.com/files/tiamk3.jpg_


	2. Episode 2: You can't keep a giant robot ...

**Episode 2:**: _You can't keep a giant robot in the barn!_

Keru hauled himself out of the hole and looked around, blinking at the sight of yellow slime all over the place. It took him a moment to realize that it was extremely messy splattered yolk. "Ew," he said with a grimace as he avoided stepping in the stuff.  
It wasn't too hard to find the giant robot, considering it was the only thing still standing. Souji seemed to be peering out of the robot's cleavage, staring off into nowhere. Keru hauled himself up to the hatch with some difficulty, noting that he'd been doing a lot of climbing today. "Souji!"  
The boy started, eyes coming to focus on the other boy. "Watashi wa..." he managed to get out.  
Keru patted his shoulder. "Daijoubu, daijoubu. Ii desu ne."  
"Iie." Souji slid back down into the pilot's chair. Keru clambered in beside him, slipping in behind the chair. The cockpit, fortunately, was roomy enough to allow this without any awkwardness.  
"Doko ni ikimasu?" Keru inquired.  
"Home," Souji sighed, hands automatically guiding the joystick into some sort of forward motion.  
"Home?" Keru repeated. "Waitaminute...you're not taking this thing to your house, are you?"  
"Er...you have a better idea?"  
"And just where are you planning on putting this thing?" Keru said sarcastically.  
"I was thinking of the old barn," Souji replied calmly.  
"Souji! You can't keep a giant robot in the barn!"  
"Really?" Souji replied calmly as he opened the hatch.   
Keru noticed that the robot had stopped moving. He peered out and found himself looking into the rafters. "...you never listen to me, do you?"  
"Not at all."  
"You should. I'm the sensible one."  
"Since when?" Souji commented, raising an eyebrow. He jumped down, Keru following.  
"Were you always this crazy, and I just didn't notice?" the boy said dryly.  
Souji shrugged. "Well, her home did get destroyed. What are we supposed to do, just leave her there?"  
"So it's a 'her' now?"  
Souji sweatdropped and turned Keru towards the robot. Keru raised an eyebrow. "She's naked."  
Souji turned a little red. "I can't help that." Then he got an idea. "But you can! You can sew! Maybe--"  
"No," Keru stated firmly. "No is no is no. No way. I am having nothing to do with this. In case you didn't notice, we almost got killed a little while ago by a bunch of eggs, and it's not cause of our cholesterol. If you want to go on some mad venture with this robot, please leave me out of it!"  
Souji sighed to himself as he watched the other boy leave the barn, then he turned back to the robot. He'd seated the thing with its knees drawn up to its chest, and arms on top of its knees. There was something written on the right sole that he hadn't noticed. He moved closer to examine it. The writing said: 

**Tia Gundam  
Mk. 3**  
  


Keru shoved his hands into his pockets as he walked down the street toward the small apartment where he and his mom lived, his refuge from the world. Inside, he could lock the doors to his inner sanctum--and his heart.  
_I don't know why I even try anymore,_ Keru thought sullenly as he kicked a rock. _I should just face the facts that I was screwed as soon as I was born._  
His room was a comfortably messy place, mostly scattered with art supplies. Pictures, framed or not, lined the walls, and his bookshelves were littered with various sculptures and other three-dimensional art in an untidy collection. Sometimes, Keru felt as if he was living for his art and nothing else. Nothing else in life really seemed to matter except for the muse that kept singing through him, guiding his clumsy hands.   
The smell of smoke tickled his nose and he sneezed. He looked up to see a big thick cloud of smoke hovering among the buildings.  
_What the..._  
A shape moved through the smoke. As he made out the lizardlike head, he could see where the smoke was coming from--the salamander-like creature was setting the closest buildings on fire.  
Keru's breath suddenly caught in his throat as he began to run.  
"My house...!" 

Souji sat outside, depressed. He didn't understand why Keru was so against this idea. He looked back to the barn where the Tia Gundam was still seated. "But what am I going to do with you?" he mummered to himself as he took a sip of his apple juice. He turned back and sat back, then squinted at a dark cloud on the horizon. "It looks like rain...waitaminute...that's smoke!" He struggled to make the connection his mind was urgently clamoring about. "Keru lives that way!"  
He ran back into the barn, clambering back into the super robot. "Tia Gundam, ikuze!" he yelled. The joystick slid into his hands and he pushed it forward, moving the robot into a run.  
"Hold on, Keru!" 

Keru stumbled through the remains the salamander had left behind, vainly searching for something that hadn't been totally destroyed. His fingers uncovered a broken canvas. He clutched it to his chest, tears brimming in his eyes.  
Souji paused several feet away. "Keru...?"  
"Destroy him, Souji."  
"Huh?" Souji's eyes widened in surprise.  
Keru looked over his shoulder, his expression full of hurt and rage. "Kill him, Souji. Such a philistine doesn't deserve to live. I'll help you out however I can. Just, please..."  
"I...I understand." 

****commercial break**** 

Souji looked up as the roar of some other super robot caught his attention. "Hey...!" he managed as he climbed back into the Tia Gundam.  
The pilot of the other super robot blinked as a young but definetely male voice emanated from the obviously female suit. "What the hell? A kid?"  
"Look, mister," the voice replied. "Just let me handle this one, okay? It's personal."  
"Everyone and their dog thinks they can pilot a super robot these days," the other pilot muttered to himself.  
A sudden blast of flame caught both pilot's attention. "Damn! There's another one!" the older pilot snapped, whirling to face the other salamander.  
"Looks like it's just you and me now," Souji said quietly. The salamander merely flicked its tongue at him.  
_Somehow, I don't think that giant mallet will be much help,_ Souji thought to himself. _This robot must have another weapon..._  
The salamander hisssed, charging him. Souji let out a choked cry as the salamander smashed against the mental shoulder, knocking boy and suit around violently.  
"Dammit! Where's the weapons?!" Souji slapped at the controls wildly, as the Tia Gundam reared back. A fist shot out, smashing the salamander straight in the snout. It let out a yelp and sat back, holding its nose.  
"Now's my chance!" Souji pushed the controls forward. Two beam ribbons shot out from the robot's arms. They lashed out like whips as if they were alive, slashing the salamander repeatedly. It glowered miserably at him, then spat a large burst of flame at him.  
"Beam Heart Cutter!" Souji yelled, manipulating the controls purely on instinct. The two beam ribbons merged together, forming a heart-shaped type shield that nicely deflected the blast around the suit.  
"Okay, I'm tired of playing around!" he yelled as he dashed in, Tia Gundam delivering several righteous and punishing kicks and punches.   
The salamander scurried away, whimpering. Souji let out a growl. The thing was backing away, toward the wreckage that had been Keru's house. The boy was still among the rubble, picking up what was salvagable. "You don't go any further," he said dangerously.  
Tia Gundam reached behind, pulling a handle out from its back. A large beam sword sprang from the hilt, growing to practically half the robot's height.  
"_This is it!_"  
Keru looked up as the salamander let out a final dying squeal and fell, flatting a nearby apartment complex. He smiled slightly. "Arigatou gozaimasu, Souji. I owe you one." 

"...hey, where's the gay freak?"  
"Didn't see him at school today. Maybe he finally got the hint and left."  
"I heard his house was one of the ones that got bulldozed by that monster a few days ago."  
"Maybe it ate him."  
"Ha, we can hope. Anyway, maybe he'll move away or at least be out of school for a while..."  
_Jerks._ Souji disgustedly gathered up his books in silence as the classroom began to clear. _Thank god the day's over. I don't think I could've put up with much more of those morons._  
***  
"My parents are getting a hotel room or three til we find a new place to live," the boy had stated. "Hey, Souji, your dad rents out houses in the country, doesn't he?"  
***  
When he got home, he located his father behind a bundle of paperwork. "Taidama, otousan!"  
"Okaeri, Souji-kun!" came a reply from the papers. "Aa, grab a calculator and help me out a bit, ne?"  
"Sure." Souji inwardly shook his head as he polished off the finacial reports. His father was hopelessly inept with numbers.  
"Arigatou, Souji-kun. Ah, your dead mother was so much better at this than me," the older man sighed.  
"A fourth grader would be better at this than you," Souji commented dryly.  
His father raised an eyebrow. "Hey, that's being disrespectful to fourth graders."  
Souji waved a hand as he picked up something in the kitchen that looked reasonably edible. "If that's all you've got for me, I'm going out for a bit. Ja, mata."  
"Sure, sure, whatever," his father said distractedly, waving a hand.  
Souji went out to the old barn. "Keru, are you still in here?" he asked, looking around. The place had been transformed. Instead of being an old barn, the place now resembled a giant mural from wall to wall. Tia Gundam rested comfortably in a corner on a stack of hay that had been covered with cloth. The suit had undergone a change as well, sporting a pair of gloves, vest, and skirt made out of denim dyed a light blue and white. Souji had also applied matching colors of paint onto her flared boots and her chest, giving her a tank top of sorts. (It had been impossible to completely cover the chest, seeing as the entrance hatch opened from the collarbone.) Keru was dangling by a window, applying paint carefully to the sill.  
Souji sighed. "Keru, have you even eaten today?"  
The boy put down the palette he was holding and slid down to where Souji was standing. "I think so," he said absently. "Sorry, I've just been so busy and I don't want to take any breaks while I'm still so inspired. You know how hard it is to get going again when you stop..."  
"Whatever. Here, eat. I think it's still okay."  
Souji watched, rather amazed, as Keru ate the unidentified food with gusto. "Tia Gundam looks really swell as well."  
Keru shrugged around a mouthful. "It's just my thanks to Tia-sama."  
Souji raised an eyebrow. Keru grinned and turned toward the robot, offering a mock salute. "Oh, that reminds me," he added, swallowing. "I accidentally got a bit of paint in the cockpit, so I was cleaning it out, and I found this." He tossed Souji a book.  
Confused, the other boy read the title. "Operator's manual? Hey, great! Now I can learn how to really work her!"  
"Yeah, let the training begin!" Keru laughed. 

"One more time."  
The recorded newscast rewound itself, then replayed, showing the silver suit in action against the giant salamander.  
"Most interesting," the man said as he sat back, pausing the tape and studying the still shot. "It really does seem to be her. She's finally revealed herself."  
"Let's have a little fun." 

_preview for _**_Episode 3_**_: What does this button do?_

"Psychosomatic?" Keru echoed. "I think you overestimate my English vocabulary."  
Souji scanned the line again. "I'm not really sure myself. But it seems like Tia, at least in part, is run by mental impulses."  
"Well, that would explain how you managed to not get creamed your first couple of times out," Keru said, nodding.  
"Thanks for your support," Souji said dryly. "According to this, it's also self-repairing, among other things. But research was abandoned because they couldn't find a suitable pilot."  
"So what makes you so good?" Keru said curiously.  
"I wish I knew." 

_Subtitles/Japanese lesson _

_"Watashi wa..." = "I..."  
"Daijoubu, daijoubu. Ii desu ne." = "It's okay, it's okay. It's all right."  
"Doko ni ikimasu?" = "Where are you going?"  
"Tia Gundam, ikuze!" = "Tia Gundam, go!"  
"Arigatou gozaimasu." = "Thank you."  
"Taidama, otousan!" = "Dad, I'm home!"  
"Okaeri, Souji-kun!" = "Welcome back, kiddo!"  
"Anou.." = "Um..."  
"Ne?" = "Okay?"  
"Arigatou, Souji-kun." = "Thanks, kiddo."  
"Ja, mata." = "Well, later."  
"Tia-sama" = "Lady Tia."  
  
_

_Credits:  
Souji played by: Souji  
Keru played by: Keru  
Unlabeled jerks played by: The people I went to high school with.  
Souji's father played by: (Formerly an Ensign) Shiro Amada, who was abducted off the streets at the last minute for the part.  
Other Super Robot pilot played by: James Edwards as 'Kazuki'  
Salamander rental sponsored by: The population of Luxembourg _

_Tia Gundam named and designed by: Medius, still.  
tiakall/Riikii: Gets no credit this time around since she didn't do anything besides write the damn chapter.  
Graybear: Random person to get credit this time around. _

_Script by tiakall/Riikii, with the help of the voices in her head.  
Based off 'Ikuze! Salmon Comet Hygogg!', the best dead RPG this side of Gundamwatch.  
This story is completely made up. If you find any references to real people or places outside of the credits, seek professional help. _


	3. Episode 3: What does this button do?

**Episode 3**: _What does this button do?_

Keru had finished the patch by the windowsill, and was now dangling from the rafters, contentedly painting from an upside down position. He flipped himself rightside up and studied the piece. Arms of a soft skintone wrapped around a dark-haired boy, who was smiling at the figure holding him. Keru let out a soft sigh as he gazed at the picture. _If only it was real._  
Souji, meanwhile, was curled up on the blanket-covered stack of hay next to the Tia Gundam, reading through the manual focusedly. "Yo!" Keru called out as he slid down to ground level. "Find anything interesting?"  
"Very," Souji said half-distractedly. "This mobile suit is like nothing I've ever seen described. If I'm reading these diagnostics correctly, it seems to run off a combination of a simple control system and a psychosomatic tie-in."  
"Psychosomatic?" Keru echoed. "I think you overestimate my English vocabulary."  
Souji scanned the line again. "I'm not really sure myself. But it seems like Tia, at least in part, is run by mental impulses."  
"Well, that would explain how you managed to not get creamed your first couple of times out," Keru said, nodding.  
"Thanks for your support," Souji said dryly. "According to this, it's also self-repairing, among other things. But research was abandoned because they couldn't find a suitable pilot."  
"So what makes you so good?" Keru said curiously.  
"I wish I knew."   
Keru frowned at the serious boy, then went and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Don't be so serious! I'm sure it was made just for you. You're perfect."  
Souji didn't respond as he looked back through the booklet. "Hm. Seems like even if you were a good pilot, you wouldn't be able to pilot it well the first time out anyway. The system needs practice in order to synchonize with your brain waves."  
"Sou...desu...ka." Keru blinked several times and scratched his nose. "So basically the more you use it, the better you'll get?"  
"More or less." Souji rubbed at his arm. He could've sworn he was just imagining it, but when the salamander had attacked him, he had _felt_ the pain. Now, though, he wasn't so sure. _What is this system, exactly?_  
"Also, some of the pages are ripped out," he continued, showing Keru the remainders of several pages still stuck in the spine. "Someone didn't want us to know something about this."  
"You think it's dangerous?"  
"I think it's suspicious. But the only way I'm likely to get any answers is to keep piloting her."  
There was a long, thoughtful silence. Then Keru spoke again. "Souji, why are you piloting Tia-sama, anyway? What do you hope to achieve?"  
"I don't know, really." Souji looked up at the large robot. "It just...feels right, I guess. Tia was abandoned because she couldn't find the right pilot. Maybe, I was looking for her as well. No, I was looking for a purpose. Hell, Souji, I've lived all my life as a social outcast who's only good for getting beat up. Now it's different though. I can protect others, I can do something."  
Keru smiled softly. "Must be nice."  
Souji looked back at him. "What about you, Keru? What do you think your purpose is?"  
Keru was silent for an extended moment before letting out a long sigh. "I don't think I'll ever have one, Souji."  
"Huh? Why not?"  
"I don't think I was ever meant to," he replied quietly.  
"...Wakarimasen."  
Keru paused again. "Souji, I don't think I was ever meant to be a guy. I mean, what part of me is a man?I wish...if only I could be female. Look at me, Souji. I could pass for a girl as it is; give me a Wonderbra and I'd drive the guys wild. If I was a girl, I wouldn't have to worry about being thought weird for liking to cook and sew. I wouldn't be called freak and unnatural because I'd rather fall in love with a guy."  
"Keru..."  
Both boys were distracted by the pinging of something inside the Tia Gundam. The boys looked at each other, then Souji clambered up to the cockpit. "We've got trouble."  
"What kind of trouble?" Keru called up.  
Souji blinked at the readout the console was displaying. "...I have no idea what this thing is."  
"Eh?" Keru clambered up to the cockpit as well. The thing was mostly a large yellow head with slanted solid blue eyes and a gaping mouth framed by five teeth, total. It had an arm on either side which ended in a large sickle and what looked like a tattoo of a pair of hearts with an arrow through them on the right shoulder. It had a large pair of thrusters underneath. "Okay, what the fuck is that?"  
"I don't know, but it's apparently ripping up part of the town. Let's go."  
"Gack!" Keru yelped as he was thrown back. Souji pushed forward on the joystick, throwing Tia Gundam into full speed.   
"Tia Gundam, ikuze!" 

****commercial break**** 

A single spotlight lit up the dark room, revealing a short girl perched on a stool. She was dressed in a red suit with a patch over one lens of her glasses, and she held a microphone. "If everyone doesn't mind, I'd like to explain a little of the history of the Tia Gundam," she began.  
"Some indetermineable amount of time ago, an RPG was started. It died. It was started again. That one also died. It was started a third time. That was deleted, the board went down, and then it died, all within three days, but the fourth! The fourth one still lives! ...well, kinda. Anyway, a mecha was inserted into this RPG, a mecha designed by an insane....well, an insane mecha designer, after an inside joke among AIM screen names. Yes, friends, this was the schizophrenic military real robot/magical girl super robot that would eventually scare the living daylights out of half the Gundam community...no, wait, that was the dominatrix pic. My bad."  
"Anyway, today's Monster of the Week is a fiendish monster who goes by the name of Zakurello. Actually, his previous experience with being a Monster of the Week impressed us, so we gave him an appearance."  
The girl ripped off the red jacket, revealing a pink shirt underneath, as she tore off the eyepatch with the other hand. "Soredewa, Gundam Fight! Ready...GO!" 

"Whoa!" **THUD.** "Yipe!" **THUD.** "Itai!" **THUD.**  
"Will you settle down back there?" Souji said without looking back.  
"Can't you pilot thing thing straight?" Keru grumbled as he rubbed his head where he had bumped it from being thrown back and forth across the cockpit.  
"No time for that, there it is!" Souji yelled. Keru peered over the seat, looking at the front view panel.   
"It's even uglier up close."  
It turned toward them, opening its gaping mouth. A light grew in it, then the thing spat a bolt of energy toward them. And again. And again. "Ayah!" Souji yelped, throwing the Tia Gundam into an odd dance in an attempt to avoid the incoming blasts.  
"I'm gonna be sick!" Keru yelped.  
"Here it comes!" Souji yelled back as the creature suddenly turned toward them. Its back thrusters fired, and it shot toward them at a stunning speed. Souji yanked the controls to the left, taking in a breath as the monster zipped by the Tia Gundam's head. Both boys winced at the sound of the metal pincer scraping across the partially exposed shoulder. Souji whirled the Gundam around, readying the mallet. The creature ground to a halt, slowly turned itself, then began speeding back up for a return run.  
"It isn't very agile, apparently," Souji commented. "Good, I've got an idea."  
"What are you planning? Oh, nevermind, here it comes again."  
As the Zakurello sped toward them, Tia Gundam tightened its grip on the mallet. It swung just as the monster neared, connecting with a solid **THWOCK**. Souji and Keru blinked as the thing sailed over the horizon until it was a small twinkling star.  
There was a long pause. "That was easy," Keru finally commented.  
"You're telling me. Let's go home." 

Somewhere near Jupiter...  
"What do you suppose that is, Fralk?"  
"I don't know, Grork. But it's kinda cute, do you suppose it's single?"  
_Different strokes for different folks._

_preview for **Episode 4**: Origins of the Tia Gundam, part 1_

"Who are you?" Souji asked.  
"Get lost, pal," Derrik snorted, moving toward the man aggressively. He was rewarded with a hard jab to the stomach. His eyes widened in surprise as he fell over.  
Keru's eyes mirrored his. _Whoa, I've never seen anyone do_ that _to Derrik...These guys are good._  
"What do you want?" Souji said suspiciously. The three men made no reply. "Answer me!"  
Finally the first one, the one that had decked Derrik, spoke. "You'll do nicely."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"You're the pilot of the Tia Gundam. We've been looking for you." 

_Subtitles/Japanese lesson:  
"Sou...desu...ka." = "I...see."  
"...Wakarimasen." = "...I don't understand."  
"Soredewa, Gundam Fight! Ready...GO!" = "And with that...Gundam Fight! Ready, GO!"  
"Itai!" = "Owch!" _

Credits:  
Souji played by: Himself  
Keru played by: Himself...this guy gets around.  
Stalker played by: tiakall/Riikii, insane fanfic writer extrodinaire.  
Monster of the week provided by: The Principality of Zeon   
Fralk played by: Al Gore  
Grork played by: George W. Bush

Tia Gundam breathed into being thanks to Medius...blame him.  
Artemis: Official scared imouto-chan.  
Newtype Mike of the Wired: Official Lolicon.  
George: ...who the hell is he? 

Script written by a llama.  
Based off 'Ikuze! Salmon Comet Hygogg!' RPG, which really has died as many times as claimed.  
This story is way too weird to be true in any way or form.


	4. Episode 4: Origins of the Tia Gundam, Pa...

**Episode 4**: _Origins of the Tia Gundam, part 1_

"Gyaaaah!"  
Souji shook his head as his father toppled over, twitching a bit as he was crunched in a slightly painful way under the large piece of furniture. His father, in addition to being spaced-out and terrible with numbers, was quite clumsy but he usually avoided being seriously hurt. Usually.  
"Kanno-san, are you all right?" Keru asked, pulling on the piece.   
"*twitch* Just fine..."  
Souji sighed as he picked up a box and took it up to Keru's new room. The boy had managed to persuade his parents to rent out one of the Kanno houses. Like himself, Keru was an only child, but he had both of his parents, and to boot, they were quite rich.  
_S'funny...from the way they act, you'd never be able to tell. They're actually quite nice._  
On a sudden impulse, he moved and looked out the window. Just as he did, a dark...something darked out of view, back behind one of the unrented houses.   
_That's odd..._  
"Souji-kun!" called Keru's mom from downstairs. "Can you give me a hand with this?"  
"Coming, Matsushima-san!" he replied back.  
_But why do I still have the feeling I'm being watched?_

**RIIIIIIIIING!**  
"Ne, Souji," Keru commented as the two of them began their walk home. "I haven't seen Derrik in a few days...isn't that odd?"  
Souji shrugged. "I don't ask when small favors come my way."  
"Aw, you were thinking of me," a sudden voice came from their left. "I'm flattered."  
Souji let out a sigh as he passed his books to Keru. "Hello, Derrik."  
One of the boy's thugs delivered a hard kick to Souji's stomach. "You should treat our leader with a little more respect, Japanese!"  
Keru painfully averted his eyes, biting his lip, as the other boys moved in. _Is it really that much of a crime to be a Japanese kid in America?_  
Derrik suddenly glanced to the side suspiciously as a shadow fell across his back. He turned and faced the small group of men wearing nondescript black suits and sunglasses.  
"What is this, Men in Black?" one of the boys sneered.  
"I bet they're here to take away the gay boy, he's really an alien," another sniggered.  
"Who are you?" Souji asked.  
"Get lost, pal," Derrik snorted, moving toward the man aggressively. He was rewarded with a hard jab to the stomach. His eyes widened in surprise as he fell over.  
Keru's eyes mirrored his. _Whoa, I've never seen anyone do _that_ to Derrik...These guys are good._  
"What do you want?" Souji said suspiciously. The three men made no reply. "Answer me!"  
Finally the first one, the one that had decked Derrik, spoke. "You'll do nicely."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"You're the pilot of the Tia Gundam. We've been looking for you."  
"What the hell are you talking about?!" one of the boys snarled. "We'll get you good for hitting Derrik! Get 'em, guys!"  
Souji watched in shock as the unidentified men laid every one of Derrik's gang low with ruthless efficiency. "God...damn..." Derrik gritted out, leaning his shoulder against the wall.  
"Who are you?!" Souji yelled.  
"That's none of your business, kid," one of them replied. "Just come with us and don't make trouble."  
Souji took a step back warily. One of the men darted toward him, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him forward. Souji shook his arm, panicked. "Hanase!"  
Keru had been frozen in shock all this time. Now, the books slipped from his arms as he recklessly charged the man holding Souji. "Kisama...!"  
The man gave him an almost idle look, then easily swatted him into a wall. A reddish haze covered Keru's vision as he painfully tried to get up. Through his blurred vision he could make out the figure of his best friend being dragged away by the other figures.  
"Kuso..." he growled, trying to get back up. "Souji! SOUJI!"   
He thought he heard the answering voice calling his own name in return, but in his dazed condition he couldn't be sure.  
"Dammit...Souji..." he gritted out as he fell back against the wall, sliding to the ground.  
"Who the hell were they?" Derrik growled. Keru tried to answer, but words wouldn't escape his lips. Why was it so dark in the afternoon? Keru let his head drop to his chest, eyes sliding shut. 

Souji let out a slight moan as his eyes fluttered open. He sat up and rubbed his head, taking in the small, sparse room in a glance. He vaugely remembered being blindfolded and having his hands tied, then something hitting him in the head...  
_Kore wa...doko desu ka?_  
"So, you're finally awake."  
Souji stiffened, getting awkwardly to his feet as a man came in the room. He seemed to carry an air of command around him, centered in his calm dark blue eyes. His butter chestnut hair was combed back neatly, with just a few stray strands escaping to fall against his forehead. He wore a impeccably neat white uniform, coupled with a black half-cape and matching boots. A red rose rested in his breast pocket.  
"Who are you?" Souji asked warily. His every sense was tingling, telling him not to trust this man.  
He merely smiled gently in return. "Greetings, Souji Kanno. I apologize for the roughness of my men. Rest assured that I have already given them a stern warning."  
"How do you know my name?"  
"My name, by the way, is Thomas, Thomas Dropen. But you can call me Tom," he said friendily as he offered a picture to the boy. "As for how I know your name, well, after I saw this, I was intrigued, so I did some research into you."  
Souji looked at the picture. His eyes widened in slight surprise. It was a picture of him leaning out of the Tia Gundam. _Ah, crap. That was smart of me._  
"Souji, I need to ask you something, it's quite important that you answer me honestly," Tom said quietly, meeting Souji's eyes.  
He couldn't tear himself away from that calm yet intense gaze. It unnerved him. "What do you want to know?" he asked uncertainly.  
"Where is the Tia Gundam?" 

****commercial break**** 

The Matsushimas were worried. School had come and gone and still their son hadn't come home yet. Hyou Kanno, Souji's father, reassured them that things were okay, Souji sometimes ran late. Nothing to worry about.  
Had they known where to look for him, they would have found Keru had already arrived home sometime ago. He was curled up on one of the barn rafters, knees drawn up to his chin, trying to come up with something he could do.   
Underneath him, the Tia Gundam sat silently, as if letting him think. "Doushio?" Keru said quietly to himself. "Souji wa....Souji wa..."   
The hiss of escaping air sounded underneath him. Keru looked down into the opening hatch of the robot. "Are? Are you trying to tell me something, Tia-sama?" he said quietly. He slipped from the rafter, dropping onto the Gundam's shoulder and slipping inside. Keru blinked at the complicated display on the main panel. His finger slid over a large blinking dot. "Are you saying you know where Souji is?"  
The hatch slid shut. Keru nervously lowered himself into the pilot's seat and gripped the joystick. He'd seen Souji pilot the Tia Gundam before and he'd read the manual, but this was going to be one hell of a rookie flight...  
He nudged the joystick forward and Tia Gundam stepped out into the open air. Feeling slightly more confident, he pushed it forward. Propulsion jets in its feet and back activated, shooting the robot into the sky.  
"I'm coming, Souji!" 

Souji liked this Thomas guy even less and less. "Why do you care?" he asked suspiciously.  
Thomas smiled back disarmingly at the boy. "My boy, I'm the one that designed and built it."  
"You were?"  
Tom nodded. "I'm not so interested in how you found it as I am in how you can pilot it. The whole project was abandoned because we couldn't get a pilot that could use the system."  
_You're kidding,_ Souji thought to himself as a large sweatdrop formed over his head.  
"We built it, but still, there's so much we don't know about it," Tom went on. "You're essential to helping us see. Will you help us?"  
"No."  
That obviously wasn't the answer Tom was expecting, after that touching speech. "Why not?" he asked, still trying to keep his voice gentle. There was a hard edge to it, however.  
"I don't suppose you'll accept the answer that you're creepy and you freak me out?"  
A vein popped out on Tom's forehead. "Absolutely not."  
"Okay, then...you're creepy and you freak me out, you hurt my friend and you kidnapped me?"  
"So be it, then." A shiver went down Souji's back as those icy blue eyes bore into him. "Unfortunately, until you decide to cooperate with our research, we'll have to detain you here."  
_Not that I thought I was going to get out of this easy,_ Souji thought grimly to himself. _Well, what now?_  
The question was answered for him as another man entered the room. "Sir? We have a...uh, circumstance."  
"Eh?"  
"Bad thing, Mr. Dropen. Bad thing."  
Thomas listened as the man explained the circumstance in low tones. After he finished, the blonde man smiled. "This could be interesting. Send Flannen out in the Ukazon." He turned to Souji smugly. "It seems I don't have to look for the Tia Gundam anymore. It's here."  
"What?"   
"Bring him as well," Tom said to the other man. "I have an idea."  
"Hey!" Souji protested futilely as he was dragged along. 

Keru scanned the screen in front of him. "We're close...where is this?" He didn't really expect a reply, so it startled him a bit when the screen beeped at him. "Nani?"  
The Ukazon rushed at the feminine super robot, knocking it backwards and demolishing a nearby building used for storing napkins. Keru let out a choked cry, gripping the joystick tightly and looking around. A large and rather ugly mobile suit looking like a reject from the Principality of Zeon labs loomed in his vision.  
A communication channel opened and the face of a totally normal looking man (if poorly drawn) appeared. "Hello, brat. Care to pull this thing over and surrender quietly?"  
"Where's Souji?!" he yelled at the screen.  
The man grinned insolently. "What's it to ya?"  
"Bakayarou..." Keru yanked on the arm controls, activating the beam ribbons. The other suit deflected them with its shield. A heat rod shot out of the arm and wrapped around the Gundam's neck.  
"This is Ukazon, boy, Ukazon!"  
Keru gritted his teeth as he struggled with the controls, trying to break the grip of the rod. He dug in the robot's fingers. The rod groaned as it slowly began giving way to the tight grip.  
"No way..." Flannen growled. 

"All right, hold it right there."  
Keru looked down to the side. A man was standing down below, holding a bullhorn, and beside him was another man, and a kid...  
"Souji!"  
The other man was holding a gun to the boy's head, and he looked none too happy. "I suggest you surrender at once, otherwise my associate will kill this boy here."  
Souji gritted his teeth, looking up at the robot. He knew who was inside it. He shook his head slightly, not taking his eyes off it. Truthfully, he was terrified of the gun next to his temple and was desperately trying not to show his terror. Either way, he was too valuable for Tom to order him killed. He hoped.  
Keru bit his lip until blood flowed. "All right, I'm coming out. Lower that gun." The hatch opened and Keru came out, hands up.  
"Keru..." Souji whispered. "You shouldn't have come..."  
Keru couldn't meet the other boy's eyes. _Dear kami-sama, I really messed up this time. I couldn't even save him..._ He barely noticed as a pair of guards grabbed him roughly and brought him down.   
Thomas nodded to another man, who got in the cockpit. He smiled. "Finally, we'll have the Tia Gundam fully operational..."  
"Uh, sir...?"  
Tom looked up at the man. "Yes?"  
"You're not going to believe this, but...there are no controls."  
"What? Don't be absurd. There should be a joystick and two panels in the arms."  
"That's what I thought too, sir, but they're not there. It's like they vanished."  
Thomas turned to Souji. "There are controls in there, are there not? Answer me truthfully."  
Souji eyed the gun in his hand nervously. "Yes."  
Tom turned back to the man. "Well?"  
"Sir, I'm telling you what I see. There's nothing up here. You can come and see for yourself. The control panel's as smooth as a sheet of metal."  
Tom gestured with the gun. "Get up there and whatever it is, fix it."  
"But..." Souji swallowed nervously. All he wanted was for him and Keru to be able to get away with their skin intact. He climbed into the cockpit and blinked at the smooth control panel. "I thought you were kidding," he admitted.  
"You think I'd kid with a guy like that?" the other man snorted.  
Souji shrugged uneasily as he sat down in the pilot's chair, sliding his hand across the armrest. Even as he sat down, he could _feel_ the difference.   
"I think..." he said slowly.  
The man looked at him. "I think she doesn't like you in here," Souji said slowly. "She won't let me pilot while you're in here."  
"Oh, wonderful." The man passed the message down.  
"Do you really think Thomas is that gullible?" one of the men snorted.  
"I'm just telling you what I think. I don't even know how this thing works, you're the ones that do," he said, frustrated.  
Thomas waved it aside. "Actually, I think the boy has a point. Come down from there."  
"But sir..." the man up in the cockpit said, confused. "A suit can't choose its pilot."  
"Actually, I think this one can. Something we'll have to remedy, if it's correct. Come down."  
"But what if he tries something?"  
_There went that idea,_ Souji thought.   
Tom smiled, handing his gun to one of the men restraining Keru. "Now, now, he wouldn't want to do anything stupid. He knows the boy down here is perfectly expendible."  
Souji glared down at Tom but didn't say anything. Keru looked unreasonably calm even as the gun was pressed to his head. The man in the cockpit with Souji gave him a pitying look before getting out.  
Souji sat back in the chair. "Great," he mummered to himself. "Now what?"  
The paneling slid back, revealing the hidden controls. A screen flickered to life and began displaying something. A plan of action.  
Souji looked intently at the screen as it cycled through the self-formulated plan. "No way," he said quietly. "It's too risky. I couldn't possibly pull off that kind of maneuver..."  
"Well?" came Tom's voice from the outside.  
"Can you give me a minute?" Souji said crossly. He looked back at the display. "Only a computer has that kind of precision...wait. I think I get it now."  
_The psychosomatic system._  
Souji sat back in the chair, closed his eyes, and relaxed.  
_Kowaii yo?_  
_Iie._

Tom smiled as the Tia Gundam moved, awkwardly arranging itself in a kneeling position in front of the group. "What do you want me to do now?" called Souji from the cockpit.  
"Well, let's see..." It took Tom a minute to realize that Souji hadn't expected an answer. It was only when half his guards lay dead and the other boy, Keru, was clinging to the robot's hand, did he realize that he'd been had.  
It was the type of simultaneous action that only a computer could have pulled off. The vulcan guns, expertly hidden among the black hair so that even Tom had forgotten they were there, had picked off the guards while the beam ribbon had wrapped itself in a protective shield around Keru. The Tia Gundam stood quickly, but not so quickly as to throw the fragile human off its hand. The hatch slid open enough to let the brown haired boy slide in.  
"Hold on, this is gonna be rough," Souji told him without taking his eyes off the display panels, fingers instinctively seeking out the correct buttons.   
Keru blinked. He hadn't realized that Souji was so...intense while piloting. He certainly wasn't this way last time he was with the other in the cockpit. Nodding, he clung to the backside of the seat. 

Flannen smirked to himself as the Ukazon stepped out in front of the Tia Gundam. "Don't think you can get away that easy!"  
"I don't have time to waste on you," Souji growled. "Flare Up Missiles!"  
A pair of missiles hissed out of the shoulder launchers, honing in on the suit. Flannen smirked to himself as he sliced them with his beam saber, only to discover the reasoning behind their name the hard way as they exploded messily, flinging burning shrapnel and fuel all over the suit. Flannen let out a cry and tried to beat out the flames on his suit. His camera lens cleared in time just to make out another pair of missiles coming in. His eyes widened with fear.  
The second round, known as Scattershot missiles, exploded on impact, splaying sharpened bits everywhere which efficiently sliced through anything they encountered, be it metal, armor, or human flesh.  
Tom frowned. Those special missles weren't even in the documentation, how could that boy have known how to use them? Unless...  
Flannen tried to shake the blood out of his eye as his suit lay in flames on the ground. The napkins were rapidly going up in flames.  
The radio crackled. Thomas. "Flannen, listen to me if you want to survive and beat him. This is how."  
"I won't let some kid show me up," he said as he spat blood. He grinned as he listened to the plan. 

"He's down," Keru breathed in relief. "Let's get out of here."  
"It's not over yet," Souji said grimly, jerking his head to the side. Tia Gundam did likewise, lenses focusing on the Ukazon as it struggled to get back up. With a burst of what must have been some of its last power, it tackled the Tia Gundam in a suicide move, knocking them both to the ground. Souji gritted his teeth as he strugggled to free the Tia Gundam; the wreckage of the Ukazon's mangled arm and legs was slowing him down. The one good arm gripped the gun tightly and pressed it squarely in the middle of the Tia Gundam's forehead. Souji's eyes widened in surprise and sudden fear. Flannen grinned; he knew he'd won.  
"Goodbye, brat."  
The sharp retort of the beam rifle echoed through the heat and sudden stillness. 

Keru shook his head dazedly as he scrambled to his feet and hoisted himself onto the edge of the pilot's chair. Souji's eyes were wide and staring; there was no stir in the air from his breathing, only from Keru's panicked breaths.  
"Souji!" he yelled frantically. "What happened?" He grabbed the boy's wrist and felt for a pulse. His shaky fingers couldn't find anything.  
"Dammit, Souji, you can't do this to me!" He pounded on the other's chest, put his mouth against Souji's and breathed for him. So intent was he that he didn't even notice the men forcibly breaking into the Tia Gundam until they pulled him away.  
"No, dammit!" he screamed, fighting them tooth and nail. "Souji! SOUJI!" One of the guards hit him over the head and he fell limp.  
Tom looked down at the black haired boy still sprawled over the chair, unmoving. "Such a pity. You, dispose of this."  
The man in question, the one who had been in the cockpit earlier, shook his head in sympathy. "Poor guy," he mummered quietly as he picked up the lifeless form.  
  


_preview for _**_Episode 5:_**_ Origins of the Tia Gundam, Part II_

Keru let out a groan of pain as the pain in his head forced him back to consciousness. He swallowed, trying to moisten a dry throat. He clutched his head and curled into a ball, trying to forget that he'd just seen his best friend die.  
No, not best friend. Keru could honestly admit to himself that he really had loved the other boy. Tears filled the blue-gray eyes and ran rivers down his dirty cheeks. _I...I never got to tell him...that I loved him..._  
The forlorn sobs, echoing hollowly down the deserted and desolate hall, were enough to break any person's heart. Tom didn't care. 

_Subtitles/Japanese lesson  
"Kanno-san" = "Mr. Kanno"  
"Matsushima-san" = "Mrs. Matsushima"  
"Ne, Souji..." = "Hey, Souji..."  
"Hanase!" = "Let me go!"  
"Kisama..." = "You jerks..."  
"Kuso..." = "Shit..."  
"Kore wa...doko desu ka?" = "This place...where am I?"  
"Doushio?" = "What should I do?"  
"Souji wa..." = "Souji is..."  
"Nani?" = "What the..."  
"Bakayarou..." = "Asswipe..."  
"Dear kami-sama..." = "Dear god..."  
"Kowaii yo?" = "Are you scared?"  
"Iie." = "No." _

_Credits:  
Souji played by: Derrik  
Keru played by: Souji  
Derrik played by: (Formerly an Ensign) Shiro Amada  
Hyou Kanno played by: Keru  
The Matsushimas played by: My Japanese teachers  
Men in Black played by: Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, and Guy  
Tom Dropen played by: Treize Khushrenata  
Flannen played by: Michelo Chariot  
Extra guards played by: Who cares, they're dead.  
Napkins provided by: Dan the Napkin Man _

_Tia Gundam designed by: Some guy  
Yuli Yamano: Sexiest anime kid EVER.  
QuessParaya: Neechan in the making.  
Corey: Had absolutely nothing to do with this fic. _

_Script written in ancient cuneiform, translated by tiakall/Riikii with the help of a llama.  
Based on the RPG 'Ikuze! Salmon Comet Hygogg!', last reported MIA, presumed dead.  
If you think this fic is real, I've got some beachfront property in Florida dirt cheap._


	5. Episode 5: Origins of the Tia Gundam, Pa...

**Episode 5:** _Origins of the Tia Gundam, Part II_

Keru let out a groan of pain as the pain in his head forced him back to consciousness. He swallowed, trying to moisten a dry throat. He clutched his head and curled into a ball, trying to forget that he'd just seen his best friend die.  
No, not best friend. Keru could honestly admit to himself that he really had loved the other boy. Tears filled the blue-gray eyes and ran rivers down his dirty cheeks. _I...I never got to tell him...that I loved him..._  
The forlorn sobs, echoing hollowly down the deserted and desolate hall, were enough to break any person's heart. Tom didn't care. He stood at the entrance to the hall, idly playing with a rose, twirling it over in his fingers, as he waited for his messenger.  
He wasn't long in coming. "Sir! The technicians believe they've found the outer switch."  
"And?"  
"It's been sealed shut, like you expected it would. It'll take some time to unseal it, but the technicians are confident they can do it."  
"Excellent." Thomas tucked the rose back into his pocket and began walking away, signalling the man to follow. "I'll oversee the final part myself."

The first sensation that came back to him was that of floating, in an infinite void. Souji slowly opened his eyes. Even though he didn't have his glasses on, he could see perfectly well in this unreal world, though there was little to see outside of dark blue everywhere. _Somewhat like being in the ocean_, he thought. It was so peaceful here. He could just relax and stay here forever...  
_Souji..._  
_Go away. I'm tired, let me rest.  
Souji!_  
_What? Who's calling me? _He looked around for the source of the soft voice that wouldn't let him be. His eyes fell on another figure, floating in the void as he was. It was a girl, probably around his age. She wore flared blue and white boots, a matching skirt and jacket, hands clad in fingerless gloves and clasped behind her back. A long braid of black hair fell down her back. She turned to face him, dark blue eyes fixing on his own brown ones.  
"Dare...?"  
_Please, you must help me... _Her voice seemed to echo through the void.  
"Kimi ga dare desu ka?"  
_Please...you must live! You're not really dead, your body is fine. But you must hurry, or you will die for real. Please, I need your help!  
_"But I don't understand. Who are you? Are...are you the Tia Gundam? Why do you need my help?"  
She cried out suddenly, as if in pain. Souji, surprised, tried to reach out to help her. _That man, he's coming to get me! Please help me, I'm frightened of him!  
_"Aitsu..." Souji clenched a fist to his side._ Tom Dropen. Must be him._  
_Please, help me!_ she begged again before her image seemed to vanish before his eyes, dissipating into a thousand tiny fragments.  
"Matte!" he yelled, voice echoing. Around him, everything turned black as his entire self was filled with a sudden burning, insufferable pain. He tried to scream, but his voice didn't work anymore, nothing seemed to move, he really was dying...

The first thing he was aware of was white, the white of the something light and fabric covering his face and body. He squinted through his glasses, trying to make out the blurs beyond the sheet. He could feel cold metal and movement under his back, like something rolling...  
_Oh, wonderful. They've put me on a corpse cart._  
After making a rough guess about where the head of the person pushing the cart was, he shot out a hand, flinging the entire sheet onto the surprised person as he grabbed for the neck.  
The man who had been in the cockpit earlier and now was respectfully taking the body to be disposed of, was quite surprised when the supposedly dead body jerked and threw the sheet over his head. "Sorry," Souji mummered as he managed to push the man facefirst down on the cart. "Okay. First thing to do is find Keru, then get the Tia Gundam and get the heck out of here. Hey, where would Tom keep the prisoners?"  
"Probably in the barracks that can be locked. Let me think..."  
"Oh, well, thanks."  
The man traced a finger along the metal surface of the cart. "Go down the end of this hall and take a right, head down that way and take the...third left. You'll see the barracks entrance from there. You'll need a key, though." The man gestured with his head toward his pocket. "If anyone asks, you didn't get those from me."  
"Uh, thanks..." Souji took them and put them in his own pocket. "But why are you helping me?"  
He shrugged. "I like you, kid. You've got guts. Souji, was it? I won't forget you in a hurry."  
"I won't forget you either. What's your name?"  
"Me? I'm Dimitri. But my full name is Dimitri Sergei." When Souji gave him an odd look, he added, "We're from Russia."  
Souji was doubtful. "What part of Russia, South Central?"  
"No, closer to St. Petersburg. Even old Petersburg was once new Leningrad..."  
"Really? I thought it was still Petrograd...Why do you think they changed it?"  
"I can't say. Maybe they liked it better that way? Anyway, shouldn't you be going?" Dimitri pointed out.  
"Oh yeah. Thanks again!" Souji called as he ran out the door.  
Dimitri grinned wryly as he ran a hand through his hair. "Good luck, kid..."

After a tulmult of silent sobs that seemed to last forever, Keru finally ran dry. Raising his head slightly, he took stock of his surroundings. He seemed to be in a bedroom of some sort, with a pallet and dresser shoved into the corner and a desk on the opposite wall. He got up, pacing slightly around the room. He didn't know what to do. Thomas had already declared him expendable, so he didn't really know why he was still alive. Maybe he wanted to save his death for something or other. And Souji...Tears welled up in his eyes again, despite the fact he didn't think he had any left. He flopped down in the chair and sprawled across the desk, accidentally knocking over a picture that was the only thing on the desk's surface. A man with his arms wrapped around a girl his age, with a picturesque snowy background...Keru put it down, and laid his head down on the desk miserably.  
_What to do?_

The steady _thunkthunkthunkthunk _of sneakered feet echoed down the empty stone hallway as Souji dashed through the barracks, checking for a locked door. All so far were unlocked, leading into plain bedrooms holding little more than a bed, a chest of drawers, a table with chair, and occasionally a computer._ Gotta love technology._   
At length, he came to a door which wouldn't open. "Aha." He tried what he hoped was a main key, with no luck. He tried a few more, but none even fit in the lock. Muttering inappropriate Japanese under his breath, he finally tried one that looked like a hotel or dorm room key. To his surprise, it worked. "Figures."  
He peeked cautiously around the door. The brown haired boy was seated dejectedly in a chair, head down on the desk. "Keru!" he said in relief, moving toward the boy.  
Keru looked up at him. The first glimpse into his face was like looking into that of a dead person. The look of sorrow and loss was so deep and tragic that Souji stopped, unsure of what to do. The look changed to confusion, and Keru turned toward the other and put out a hand timidly. "Yu...yurei da..."  
"Yurei ja nai, Keru. Kora, mite." He touched his hand to the boy's arm.  
"Souji...honto desu...ne..." Keru threw his arms around Souji's neck, sobbing into his shoulder. Souji looked startled for a moment, then smiled gently and patted his back.   
"Daijoubu, Keru. Daijoubu."

"Now, all we have to do is figure out where the hell the Tia Gundam is, and then blast our way out of here," Souji was saying as he kept a lookout.  
Keru 'borrowed' a nice metal pipe from the janitor's closet. "Do we have a plan?"  
"None whatsoever."  
"Oh good, I like surprises. Duck!" Souji did so just as Keru swung the pipe like a bat, knocking the man behind Souji into the nearest wall. "That oughta do him. Let's go!"  
"Where to?" Souji managed as he was dragged along.  
"Thinking logically, they'll have Tia-sama wherever they can fit her, and I only spotted one place like that, the hangar-type place where they pulled that other suit from."  
"And that is...where?"  
"C'mon, I think I know."

Tom entered the hangar, nodding his approval at the various mechanics. The Tia Gundam was on its back, part of its abdomen slid apart, revealing another set of doorlike panels underneath. One of the men saluted. "Sir! The final lock has been undone, we can open the interior up at any time."  
He smiled as he stepped onto a lift which placed him level with the topside of the Tia Gundam. "Do you know what's in there..." he looked at the man's name tag, "Wufei?"  
The mechanic in question jerked his gaze away from Tom's...uh, belt buckle. "No, sir!"  
"This should prove quite interesting to you, then," Thomas bent over to open the final lock.  
Wufei clamped a hand over his nose, trying to stem the flow of blood. "I'd be happy to watch it with you, sir!" he said, voice somewhat nasal and muffled by the hand in front.  
Tom glanced to the side, then shook his head. He felt an oncoming headache. He didn't notice the muffled _clang_ on top of one of the catwalks.  
Souji looked over the edge as Keru examined the pipe with disgust. "Sheesh, his hard head put a dent in it. Anyone notice us, Souji?"  
"We're in the clear. The Tia Gundam's down there all right, but so is that sleaze Tom. He looks like he's trying to take it apart!"  
"Well, that bites..." Keru looked down, then hurriedly skirted across the catwalk, stopping behind a stack of boxes. Souji followed less stealthily.   
Tom stood back up, watching as the final doors slid open. Souji and Keru peered forward expectantly. The former's eyes widened as he saw what the final doors concealed. "Are wa..."  
It was a girl.

****commercial break****

The girl lay among the wiring of the Tia Gundam, almost as if she was hooked into the system. Her long hair lay in a braid that fell over her right shoulder. Slowly her crystal blue eyes slid open, looking around. She froze when she saw Tom.  
"She's naked," Keru pointed out.  
Souji clamped a hand over his nose. "Why do you always have to point these things out?!" he hissed.  
The other shrugged. "She's got the essentials covered up..."  
Souji risked another glance down. "It's a woman! Figures," Wufei said in disgust.  
Tom ignored the weak baka and looked down at the girl. "Hello, Luna. Do you remember me?"  
The girl didn't respond, but tried to shrink back away from Tom. Her wide, frightened eyes spoke volumes. Tom leaned closer, oblivious to Wufei staring at his backside. "I remember you. I also remember that you're the one that made sure no one could pilot this wonderful mecha that we designed."  
("Hey," Medius objected.)  
"What's he saying?" Souji wondered to himself. The boys were too far away to hear the acutal conversation.  
"Yeah, and what's up with that mechanic? No taste in men at all," Keru added.  
"..." Souji gave him a look.  
"Wha?"  
Tom looked over to the man who was partway in the open cockpit. "Any changes?"  
"No, sir. The controls still aren't visible."  
Tom turned back to the girl. "Well?"  
"I..." The girl's voice was barely audible, so soft-spoken was she. "I can't. It's no good."  
The self-assured smile on Tom's face turned into a frown of disapproval. "Come now, dear, don't be difficult. You wouldn't want us to hole you back up in here, would you?"  
Her eyes grew wide. "I can't!"  
Tom turned away. "Well, if you wish to go about it that way..." He nodded to one of his men nearby.  
Keru froze as the barrel of a gun was pressed into his neck. "Souji, nigete!" he hissed, hoping it wasn't too late.   
The other boy was already restrained by two men, a third with a gun on him. Keru's fist clenched at his side briefly as he allowed two more men to grab his arms. Souji's expression was calm. "Apparently they knew we were here all along."  
"Bring them down here where she can see them," Tom called to his men. The two boys were dragged down, Keru less willingly. Tom smiled sadistically as he took a gun from one of his men and put it to Souji's temple, making sure the girl Luna could see. "Now, perhaps, do we feel a little more cooperative?"  
Souji ignored him. Instead, his gaze was focused on the girl trapped among the metal and wiring of the giant robot. She met his eyes with an expression similar to that of childlike wonder.  
_It's you...Was that all a dream, or..._  
Tom got the distinct feeling he was being ignored. He jammed the gun against Souji's head, elicting a small "itai" out of the boy. "Now, Luna, let's not be disagreeable about this. If you can let this junior high boy use the controls, surely a real pilot can."  
"I'm in high school," Souji said, somewhat annoyed.  
The girl chewed on her lip, eyes turning away. She closed her eyes, concentrating. The wires around her gave off a soft glow. Tom's eyes were sparkling. "Good, good..."  
Abruptly, the glow faded. She sagged back, breathing hard as if she'd just run a race. "Still no change, sir," the man in the cockpit called.  
Tom, now angry, walked back over to the hole in the Tia Gundam's belly. "I grow tired of your little games, Luna," he growled dangerously. "Would you rather I put the other one in there? Or maybe I should just abandon this project again? A few more years of being locked up in here, alone, should teach you some discipline." He smiled at her terrified expression.  
"Hey, leave her alone!" Tom turned, annoyed back to Souji. "Can't you see she's trying her best? She just can't do it!"  
"Lies! All lies!" he snarled, whirling and backhanding Souji hard. The boy was torn from the arms and knocked to the smooth metal surface of the Tia Gundam. Tom pointed the gun at him, eyes alight madly. "What makes you so much better than me?! TELL ME!"  
Souji met his eyes sternly. "Maybe because I'm not a heartless bastard like you?" he said coolly.  
_Souji no baka..._ "Gomen ne," he muttered as he kicked a foot back, catching the man holding him in a sensitive spot. The man let out a whimper and keeled over.   
"I'll kill you," Tom said, slowly cocking the gun. "Then when your blood is staining the surface of this beautiful robot, we'll see what she does then!"  
Time seemed to slow.  
There was a crack as the gun went off.  
The girl screamed.  
Keru didn't take his eyes off Tom as he kncoked the other boy out of the way, not even flinching as the bullet skimmed across his back, leaving a line of firey pain in its wake, then bouncing off the Tia Gundam's stomach with a loud PING that seemed to echo.  
"C'mon, run!" Keru said breathlessly, pulling Souji to his feet.  
He saw the line of blood underneath the ripped shirt. "You're...that..."  
"Go!" Keru dragged him into the cockpit, knocking the other man off the edge. He fell off the Tia Gundam with a scream. Souji plopped with a loud **thud** as he landed in the chair. The controls appeared under his hands and he gripped them tightly. The hair along the back of his neck prickled as the psychosomatic system activated. He realized the damages from the last time hadn't been fully repaired yet. _It hurts..._  
He felt the touch of another mind against his own. The girl. _I'll protect you._  
Souji nodded mentally. _If you help get us out of here, I'll get you free. I promise.  
Thank you..._  
"Stop them!" Thomas yelled hoarsely as he was thrown off the Tia Gundam. It sat up, casually brushing the clinging mechanics off itself. Fortunately, he landed on Wufei, so he wasn't hurt. The unfortunate mechanic was killed by the long fall. He turned to the nearest man, grabbing him in a frenzy. "Send out Flannen! NOW!" he roared. "And then...bring _her_ to me."  
"Y-Yessir!"  
"Keru, daijoubu desu ka?" Souji called back as he made a new door in the hangar.  
The boy was examining his back and shoulder as best he could. The bloodline started inbetween his shoulder blades and sliced down and to the right. He winced slightly as he touched it. "Itai...Daijoubu, it's just a scratch. It's not deep."  
Something latched onto the Tia Gundam's arm. Souji let out a choked cry as he was jerked forward by the sudden halt in movement. Keru slammed into the back of the pilot's char, the impact knocking him out cold. "Keru? Oh, crap..." he added as the screens flashed to life, showing a picture of his enemy: a new robot, one he hadn't seen before.  
Flannen's voice came over the radio. "Well, brat, dying once isn't enough for you, I see."  
His hand tightened around the control in the chair arm. "I won't lose to you again," he said in a low tone. "I've got too much riding on this."  
"Too bad for you." The other suit pulled out a beam saber.  
The Tia Gundam pulled out its own. "Try me!"  
The two suits clashed, parrying and thrusting expertly. Suddenly Souji wasn't sure whether it was him or the girl piloting the mobile suit anymore...the Tia Gundam was doing moves he couldn't even imagine, much less do himself, unless he'd gained a sudden acquisition of swordplay...  
_You are the pilot. It is your will which causes this suit to move. I only tell it how to move._ There was a slight pause in her tone, as if unsure. _You do have this knowledge, though. I can see it in you._  
_Eh?_ But the girl's voice was gone from his mind. Souji pushed the thought aside and turned back to the battle.

Thomas scowled at the battle. _Incompetent fool, he was cannon fodder from the start._ He heard a slight footstep behind him and turned. "Ah, there you are, Soliel. She's returned, Luna."  
"I know," the other said quietly.  
Tom smiled disarmingly and spread his arms. "You aren't going to let her show you up, are you? I have always believed you were the best. Go now and show her up! Flannen is useless, but you..."  
"I know," Soliel said again, stepping close. There was a swift movement, and a few rose petals fell to the floor. Tom's eyes were wide as he coughed blood and grabbed at the knife thrust into his chest.  
Soliel spoke again, eyes almost seeming to smile. "You're so full of shit. Oh, don't worry. I will defeat Luna. But it will be on my own terms."  
"You..." Tom fell to the ground, one hand outstretched toward Soliel, as if to drag the other down into death with him.   
The nearby men were shocked at this cold, callous murder. "S-Stop!" one yelled, pointing a gun shakily.  
Soliel turned toward the shaking man. "Do you really wish to die?"   
Unnerved, the gun dropped from his nervous hands as he stepped back. The unfortunate man took a few more steps back, then ran for it. Soliel smiled, and turned back to the battle.  
"You won't lose yet, Luna. For I will be the one to destroy you and everything around you. So go ahead, run away. I'll find you."

"I'll have you know, brat," Flannen said as the suit reared back, firing several shots. The Tia Gundam formed a shield from its beam ribbons and deflected them. "This Fuogon is the latest in giant robots. This is no Ukazon, boy, no Ukazon!"  
"Doesn't that line ever get old?" Souji muttered. He didn't have time for this, he wouldn't be able to ward off that persistent pounding in his skull forever...  
_The sword, use the sword.  
How?  
The Lightning Cut. I can supercharge it for a short while. Use it!_  
"Lightning Cut, huh..." Souji moved the Tia Gundam into a two-handed stance, prepared for thrust or cut. The beam saber flared, growing in size.   
"Whatever trick you're using, boy, it won't work!" Flannen yelled.  
Souji cast one quick glance toward the unconscious form behind him before gripping the controls confidently. "Ore wa...Ore wa makenai!" he yelled as he thrust the controls forward with all his strength.   
He charged. Flannen charged. And for a moment, the world hung in the balance.  
The overpowered beam saber thrust its way _through_ the other blade, burying itself in the midsection of the Fuogon. "Wait, that wasn't supposed to--" Flannen said moments before the suit exploded around him.  
Souji sat back with a sigh, shaking his head slightly as his mind untied itself from the psychosomatic system. "Keru, you awake?"  
"...kinda."  
"Good, we're going home."

_preview for __**Epsiode 6**__: She followed me home, can I keep her?  
_Souji and Keru looked into the reopened stomach of the Tia Gundam. The girl gazed back at them. Her eyes were calm, no longer like those of a wold animal, large and frightened. Keru smacked his hands together. "Well. We'd better get you out of there. Souji, you have any female stuff at your house? Otherwise you'll have to run to my house and rob something from my mom."  
"I think my mother's old clothes are still in the attic, my dad never had the heart to get rid of them after she died. Hey, what are you doing?!" he said in alarm as Keru reached toward the girl.  
"Getting her out, what does it look like?"  
"But you're...and she's..." Souji turned away, rather red.  
Keru laughed. "You're so cute when you're embarrassed. Don't worry, you know I don't care for women in that way anyway. But toss me that blanket for when I get her out?"  
Souji reached down and grabbed it, handing it over, before leaving the barn with a mutter. 

_subtitles/Japanese lesson:  
"Dare?" = "Who?"  
"Kimi ga dare desu ka?" = "Who are you?"  
"Aitsu..." = "That man..."  
"Matte!" = "Wait!"  
"Yu...yurei da..." = "Gh...Ghost..."  
"Yurei ja na, Keru. Kora, mite." = "I'm not a ghost, Keru. Here, look."  
"Souji...honto desu...ne..." = "Souji...it really...is you..."  
"Daijoubu, Keru. Daijoubu." = "It's all right, Keru. It's okay now."  
"Tia-sama" = "Lady Tia"  
"Are wa..." = "That's..."  
"Souji, nigete!" = "Souji, run away!"  
"itai" = "ow"  
"Souji no baka." = "Souji, you big idiot."  
"Keru, daijoubu desu ka?" = "Keru, you okay?"  
"Itai...Daijoubu." = "Ow...Yeah, I'm fine."  
"Ore wa...Ore wa makenai!" = "I will...I will NOT lose!"_

_Credits:  
Souji played by: Machiyama  
Keru played by: Kerel  
Luna played by: Luna  
Tom Dropen played by: Number 3 off my hit list  
Flannen played by: Number 4 off my hit list  
Dimitri played by: Darien  
Random lackeys played by: Stunt doubles from Gundamwatch 0079  
Soliel played by: Sore wa himitsu desu._

_Random person of the fic: Morpheus  
Tia Gundam designed by: Medius, not by Tom as he claimed.  
Medius: Also got a bit role, somewhere  
Cass: What's with this guy?  
Aesti, aka FMW: Official Punching Bag_

_Script by tiakall/Riikii, since she fired the llama.  
Based on the RPG 'Ikuze! Salmon Comet Hygogg!', which seems to have fallen off the face of the internet.  
It's not like this story is going to suddenly become true after five chapters already._


	6. Episode 6: She followed me home, can I k...

**Episode 6**:_ She followed me home, can I keep her?_

With a soft sigh of downing engines, the Tia Gundam settled down into a sitting position, shutting itself off. Souji sighed and released the controls, looking back at Keru. "Daijoubu?"  
Keru was still trying to reach the gash on his back, with little luck. "Hai, hai," he grumbled.  
"C'mere." Souji used Keru's ripped shirt as a type of makeshift bandage. "Ii desu ka?"  
Keru rotated his shoulders experimentally, then winced. "As good as it's gonna get, I suppose. We should see about that girl now..."  
Souji nodded, stepping out of the cockpit and sliding down a bit to the stomach. "There was a switch somewhere..."  
"Heads up!" Souji looked up at Keru's call. With a hiss of escaping air, the panels slid open again. Souji and Keru looked into the reopened stomach of the Tia Gundam. The girl gazed back at them. Her eyes were calm, no longer like those of a wild animal, large and frightened. Keru smacked his hands together. "Well. We'd better get you out of there. Souji, you have any female stuff at your house? Otherwise you'll have to run to my house and rob something from my mom."  
"I think my mother's old clothes are still in the attic, my dad never had the heart to get rid of them after she died. Hey, what are you doing?!" he said in alarm as Keru reached toward the girl.  
"Getting her out, what does it look like?"  
"But you're...and she's..." Souji turned away, rather red.  
Keru laughed. "You're so cute when you're embarrassed. Don't worry, you know I don't care for women in that way anyway. But toss me that blanket for when I get her out?"  
Souji reached down and grabbed it, handing it over, before leaving the barn with a mutter. Keru grinned impishly as he caught the blanket, then turned back to the girl. "Heh, don't worry about him, he'll find something. In the meantime, use this blanket if you feel shy. Oops, would help if I got your hands undone first..." As Keru reached for her hand, the wires slid out of her wrist and upper arm, leaving no marks on her darkened skin as they retreated back into the interior of the Tia Gundam. Keru blinked.  
Somethin' odd about this robot...  
Hesitant, Keru put a hand against the main piece of metal. It slid back at his touch, the remaining wires slithering back, leaving the girl unattached. Her large crystal-blue eyes met his slanted blue-gray ones.  
They look nothing alike, but for some reason, her eyes remind me of Souji's...  
Keru suddenly felt shy. Turning his eyes away from her exposed form with an awkward cough, he offered her the blanket. He kept his eyes turned away as he felt it being taken gently from his grip.  
What's with me? I'm never this awkward around girls. But this girl...  
Souji reentered the barn with a small bag. "Found it. Keru, what are you doing?"  
The boy jumped slightly and coughed. "Ahem, nothing."  
Souji looked from him to the girl, then back at him. His eyes narrowed. "You! You wanted me out just so you could look at her!"  
"What? No I did not!" Keru exclaimed indignantly.   
"You did! Get down here, you pervert!" Souji swung the bag around in a threatening fashion.  
Keru jumped down and put his fists up. "You wanna take this outside?"  
"I'm fine right here!" Souji jumped the boy, tackling him into the dirt of the barn floor. The two rolled around a bit before a sudden soft sound reached their ears. The sound of laughter, like little bells. Keru pushed Souji into a headlock and looked up. The girl looked down at them, giggling. Fumbling around with his free hand, Keru tossed the bag up to her. "Here, make your self comfortable, I'll be done with this little problem in a minute."  
"Ya think so, huh?!" Souji slipped from the headlock and pushed the boy back into the dirt. The mock scuffle went on for a few minutes more until the girl slid down from the Tia Gundam.   
Both boys jumped up, wrestling match forgotten for the moment. Keru peered at her, then circled the girl. She watched him curiously. Finally he spoke. "Nuh-uh. We're gonna have to go shopping for you or something. You're more well-endowed than my mom or Souji's."  
Souji practically choked. "Why...you...HENTAI!" he managed, knocking Keru to the ground again.   
"Ow! But it's the truth!"  
This went on for a few more minutes until the two boys finally tired out. Souji got up and dusted himself off before bowing to the girl. "I'm Souji Kanno."  
Keru bowed deeply. "I'm Keru Matsushima. Nice to meet you."  
There was a long pause. "Luna," she said finally.  
"Eh?" Souji said, suprised at the sudden sound.  
"My name is Luna," she said quietly. "And...thank you."  
Keru put a hand behind his head with a sheepish grin, but Souji met her eyes evenly. "You're welcome," he said softly.  
The two held the gaze for a long moment. Keru decided that he definetely didn't like this atmosphere. With a look that crossed jealous with annoyed, he threw and arm around Souji's neck, grabbing him in a headlock and dragging him off. "Weren't we going to go see your dad?"  
"Gack! Keru...can't...breathe..."  
Luna trotted timidly after the two boys, the one dragging the other through the back door of the house. Keru released Souji as he looked around. "Say, where is your dad, anyway?"  
"Probably...GAH!" Souji yelped as he looking around the corner. "Dad, don't touch that!!"  
Hyou shot up with a guilty hand-caught-in-the-cookie-jar expression, putting his hands in the air as Souji strode over to the table despairingly, ruffling through the papers to make sure they were in order. "Dad...haven't I told you to leave the finances to me, always?"  
He regarded his son with a positively puppy dog-like look. "You were late..."  
Souji refrained from rolling his eyes. "Look, Dad, I'm sorry I was late, but I, er...had things to take care of. Okay?"  
Keru edged in, regarding father and son with a skeptical look. "You two okay in here?"  
Souji shot Keru a look. The older man, however, was more interested in the shy, black-haired head that peered shyly around Keru's shoulder. "Eh? Dare?" he queried, walking around Keru. Luna shrank back, moving around to Keru's front side.   
Keru didn't care for being monkey in the middle. "Can you two go peer at each other from around something else?"  
"Oh, stop that, you," Souji snorted, putting a hand on Luna's shoulder to calm her down. "Dad, this is Luna. Um, can she stay with us for a while?"   
Keru almost choked at Souji's blatant request. Now, Hyou Kanno liked to think himself a reasonable man. And really, he was quite thrilled that his little boy was growing up and actually trying to sneak a girl into the house, that little devil. But still....  
He scratched his chin, looking at the three kids. Luna, reassured by Souji's presence, watched him calmly, not saying anything. He turned back to his son, who seemed very interested in the floor. "So, Souji...er, where did she come from?"  
The boy paused a bit before answering. "...she followed me home?"  
Hyou scratched his chin again. Something was funny, he was sure...but then again, his son was always honest with him, and it's not like he was harboring a murderer or anything...  
Keru whispered over to Souji in hushed English, seeing as Hyou only knew a few words in that language. "I cannot believe your father is buying this," he muttered.  
"Er...Dad's always been a little...ah..."  
"Gullible?"  
"...Not the word I was looking for."  
Hyou turned back to to the three. "Oh, shucks, why not? It'll be nice to have a female around the house again!"  
Souji and Keru brightened up. "Arigatou, otousama!" Souji stammered.  
He waved a hand modestly. "Iie, iie. Saa, ojousan," he said gently, crouching next to Luna, "namae wa?"  
She blinked at him.  
He smiled back.  
"I'm sorry, I don't speak Japanese."  
Souji and Keru both fell over with a loud THUNK. "Heheheh...of course she doesn't...how silly of us..." Souji said weakly, his head resting on Keru's stomach.  
"Yeah...silly...hey, Souji, just stay there for a bit, okay?"  
"..." The other boy sat up, and sweatdropped at his father, who apparently didn't seem to realize that there was a language barrier.  
"So, Aimusaarii-chan...."  
Souji put a hand to his head. This was gonna be a long day.

**commercial break**

The dark room lit up again, highlighting the short girl in the red jacket, eyepatch and microphone once again. "All right, everyone," she said as she turned toward the camera, "how's everyone been enjoying the show so far?"  
She ducked as as a small dragon was thrown at her. "Okay, okay! I know it's been a while since I put out a chapter! Blame the Writer's Block Monsters!" She pointed toward a stake in the corner, with a large beastial head on the top. "But that little problem's taken care of now. "  
"Anyway, today's Monster of the Week is a guest appearance from the early episodes of Power Rangers, Nasty Knight! C'mon in, Nasty Knight, and take a bow!"  
The monster, currently human-sized, walked in. tia held the mike out to him. "How do you feel about your guest role in Magical Mobile Soldier, Nasty Knight?"  
"..." he replied.  
"....ah-so! Do you think you'll have a good fight?"  
"..."  
"...oh, really? What do you think of the Tia Gundam?"  
"..."  
"....Are you someone I know?" tia said suspicously. "C'mon, off with the helmet!" She reached over to take it off as he backed away, and then--  
--the camera ran out of film. Eheh, oops. Anyway, back to the show!

"Itte kimasu!" Souji yelled over his shoulder, getting a muffled return "irasshai" from somewhere in the kitchen. He grabbed his backpack from its place beside the door and began sliding on his shoes.  
Luna sat next to him, sliding on a pair of her own. They had belonged to Souji's mother; it turned out that was the only proportion the two had in common. The dark-skinned girl was now dressed in a nice white short-sleeved top, with a medium length blue skirt to match and white socks. her hair was in a braid as it had been before, but this time secured with a blue ribbon. "What's that mean?" she inquired. Since being exposed to Hyou, who spoke nary a word of English outside of 'French Fries', she had been trying to pick up some of the basic phrases.  
"Eh? Oh, I said I was leaving. He said 'have a safe trip'. It's common to say when you're leaving the house." He stood up as the doorbell rang, throwing his satchel over his shoulder. "That'll be Keru..."  
The brown-haired boy grinned as the door opened. "Ohayou!" he said merrily to Souji, then winked at Luna. "That's 'G'mornin'' to you Americans."  
She smiled back at him cheerily. "Good morning."  
"Well, shall we get going?" Souji said, stepping out the door. "Don't want to be late to your first day, Luna."  
"Hai," she said, using one of the few words she's learned so far.   
"Iin desu ka?" Keru interjected. "I mean, you just can't walk into a school and ask to be a new student..."  
"That's why we have these things called, 'parents', Keru," Souji said a bit sarcastically. "They do things like register people to be students and so on. You should try them one time, you might like them."  
"Urusei," Keru mock sulked.  
Souji snickered a bit before checking his watch, and then panicking. "Augh! We really are going to be late! C'mon!" He took Luna by the hand, darting ahead.  
Keru paused for a moment, the action not lost on him. Oh, stop being so jealous, he mentally berated himself. You're just reading too much into it. They only met yesterday afternoon, and besides, it's not like he's your boyfriend or anything.  
Still, as he kept pace with them, he couldn't help but feel a little jealousy toward the girl. Such a simple gesture, and yet he knew it would never be his. What I wouldn't give...  
His thoughts derailed as he realized he was near his classroom. He and Souji had different classes this semester. "See you this afternoon," he called hopefully.  
Souji managed a quick "Yeah" before continuing down the hall, Luna following. Kanno-san must've scheduled her classes to match his. Lucky. He stared wistfully after the retreating pair until they disappeared into the crowd.  
"Yeah," he said softly. "See you this afternoon...."  
Souji had Luna by the hand, dragging her down the hall. "Why are you so rushed? We're only going to be a little late," Luna gasped from behind.  
"The teachers are sadists about that," he breathlessly called back. "Three seconds late, you might as well be fifteen minutes late. Oof!" The 'oof' came as he ran right into another student coming around the corner, knocking both to the ground.   
"Oh my," Luna said, offering a hand to Souji. "Are you two all right?"  
"I-ite..." Souji muttered, taking a look at who he had run into. He suppressed a groan. Derrik. Figured. Just his luck.  
The blonde boy yanked Souji to his feet by the collar angrily, bringing Souji's face close to his own. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" he demanded irately.  
Souji wouldn't meet his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.  
"Oh, please, don't fight," Luna said quickly, putting her hands on Derrik's in an effort to remove them from Souji's clothing. "This is all my fault, I'm new here..."  
Derrik looked over at her curiously, his hands slipping from Souji's collar. "And you are?" he asked, his voice losing the angry rough edge.   
She blinked. "I'm Luna."  
"Luna..." He took her hand and bowed over it. "I'm Derrik. It's nice to meet you."  
She blinked, unsure of how to respond. Souji wasn't sure whether to be surprised that a thug like Derrik had that much of a gentleman in him or to be annoyed over the fact that he was already hitting on her and she hadn't even gotten to--  
BRIIIIIIING!!  
--class. Souji swore softly under his breath as he took Luna by the hand dejectedly and pulled her into the nearby classroom.   
Derrik watched her go silently, not taking his eyes off her. "'Ey, boss, you okay?" one of his thugs asked.  
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," he said distractedly. "C'mon, let's get to class."  
One of the others pounded a fist into his other hand. "We'll nail that little geek this afternoon. He's dead meat!"  
"Yeah. Yeah, whatever," Derrik muttered distractedly as he entered the classroom, slung his bookbag down and began going through it.  
The other thuigs blinked at each other. Derrik not wanting to beat up the geek? What was the world coming to?

Souji let out a sigh of relief as the last bell rang and the students around him began packing up their books. The day had actually gone rather well, Luna had been introduced to her new classmates with relatively little fuss, and seemed to be getting along with them quite nicely despite her 'association with a known geek'. Souji sighed to himself. Once she made enough friends, she probably wouldn't want to be around him much during school hours. Geeks were bad for your social life, after all.  
As if sensing his depression, Luna finished her chat with one of the other girls and joined him by the desk. "What are we going to do now?" she asked cheerily.  
He shrugged in reply. "I dunno, school's done for the day. We could go to the arcade or somewhere if you'd like," he said, mentally shoving the load of homework to the back of his mind.  
"Oh, I'd love that! Would you teach me how to play a game?" she asked eagerly.   
Souji smiled back at her. Somehow, it was hard to feel down when she looked so simply happy.  
She reached over and took his hand in hers. Souji blinked a bit, turning red. "Thank you," she said softly, looking down as she squeezed his hand gently. "I...I didn't get a chance to do things like this when I was younger."  
"It must've been rough," he said sympathetically. She looked back up, smiling at him. This time it was he who looked away, blushing a bit.  
The sound of yelling voices typical of a schoolyard brawl brought Souji crashing back to reality. Oh, shit. I almost forgot about Derrik. I'd better have Keru take her home.  
She looked at him conceredly. "Is something wrong?"  
"I was just thinking we should go meet Keru before we set off." I'm not gonna be in any condition to play games after Derrik finishes with me today. How can I just turn her down?  
She blinked. "Well, of course!" she said, as if she'd been expecting that. "C'mon, let's go! Where do you meet him normally?"  
"Outside. C'mon, I'll show you."  
Keru circled around the outside of the gym, toward the front of the building. He hadn't spotted Derrik around, which was unusual. If he could meet with Souji quick enough, maybe they could sneak around the back side and get away for today...  
His thoughts were interrupted by a rough hand on his shoulder. "Souji?" he queried as he turned. His face met not that of Souji's, but of a stranger.  
"Hi," the guy said, grinning brutishly. Keru spotted two other figures behind the first. A shiver ran down his back. "Hi," he said uncertainly.  
"Aw, what's the matter? You look so nervous," one of the other two said.  
"Yeah, no need to worry," the first said. "Don't you want to hit on us a little first?"  
So that's what this was about. Keru tried not to sweat nervously as he backed away a bit. "Thanks, but you're not my type. I've got to be somewhere--" He tried to turn away, but the third cut him off.  
The first, obviously the leader, grabbed Keru by the hair and pulled him back. "What's the matter, gay boy? Don't worry, when we're done with you, you won't want to look at guys anymore, you unnatural freak!"  
"Let me go," he rasped out. "Or I'll scream."  
"We'll see about that," the second snarled, throwing a hard punch at Keru. The boy was caught completely off guard and took the hit in full, letting out a choked cry as the force slammed him back into the leader. Disgusted, the first shoved him to the ground. Keru dropped to his hands and knees, one arm wrapped around his stomach which was filled with pain. The third kicked him in the side, and Keru cried out again as he fell over into the dirt. The three began kicking him in the chest and back repeatedly, all the while yelling insults, their faces distorted with hate.  
"You're disgusting!"  
"A freak!"  
"Just crawl back into the hole you came out of!"  
"Your nasty presence is dirtying our school!"  
"Our whole country, you alien freak!"  
Keru wrapped his arms around his head and curled up, trying to ignore the pain coursing through his whole body. Maybe they'd give up before they seriously hurt him or beat him to death.  
Maybe.  
One kick caught him in the back of the head, dazing him a bit. The arms around his head loosened, and another kick caught him in the head, this time in the face. Keru let out a moan and flopped onto his back, wishing they would just finish it already. His hearing was fuzzy, as if from a long way off, but he thought he heard the leader saying to the others to finish it. Good.   
A quiet, almost unheard moan escaped his lips. "Sou...ji..."

Souji frowned. Class had been done for ten minutes, and Keru wasn't anywhere to be seen. Thankfully, neither was Derrik. Probably meeting with his cronies near the cafeteria...maybe if I sneak around past the gym, I can get away...I guess Keru already went home or something.  
Luna looked around. "I don't see Keru. Didn't you say you usually meet him here?"  
"He must've gone home already." Souji pulled Luna toward the gym. "This way."  
She resisted a bit. "What's wrong?"  
"I just wanna get home and hook up with Keru so we can go to the arcades," Souji lied. "C'mon, we want to have plenty of time, don't we?"  
She nodded uncertainly and moved around the corner. A hand shot to her mouth in shock. "Souji!"  
His first reaction was that Tom had somehow survived. He ran up to her, worried. "What? What is it?" he said breathlessly.  
Her eyes were wide with fear and horror. She pointed wordlessly. Souji followed her gaze. A gang of three boys he didn't recognize were standing over a broken, half-conscious figure on the ground...  
"Keru!"  
His first reaction was anger. He didn't need to ask what was going on. He knew. A fist clenched at his side as part of his mind screamed why, and another part of his mind answered with the bitterness of a victim, that there didn't need to be a reason.   
This is too much...I can be picked on, but for Keru to have to go through this...  
The leader sniggered. "I'm thinking maybe we can get some rope and drag him behind Pa's truck for a few miles. What do--"  
He didn't finish the statement. Souji's fist slammed full into his face, knocking him back a full three paces. He clutched at his face, a trickle of blood running through his hand. "Why you--"  
"You gods-damned fucking bastards," Souji growled, standing firmly in the middle of the small group. "What the HELL do you think you're doing?!"  
"Shut the fuck up!" the second yelled, fist cocked back as he lunged at the boy. Something clicked within Souji's mind, and his body suddenly moved on its own, taking the fist as it streaked past and throwing the second boy forcefully into the wall. He crumpled to the ground with a whimper. The third tried to rush him from behind, but Souji whirled, his elbow catching the other in the mouth. He followed it up with a swift punch to the stomach and an uppercut, and the second dropped. The leader backed away nervously, unnerved, blood still runnning down his face. Souji turned to him. His eyes were filled with a smouldering fury only beginning to be unleashed. He let out a frightened gasp and turned to run.  
"You're not getting away that easy!" Souji grabbed him by the shirt collar, yanking him back and then grabbing his shoulder, spinning him around. He landed three punches to the leader's chest and stomach, and two more to the face.   
The leader stumbled back and fell to the ground, sobbing and clutching at his face. "I'm sorry, please, no more," he blubbered.  
Souji's fist clenched harder, and he drew back his fist as if to hit him again. The leader cringed. Then, it lowered. "Get the hell out of here," he said in a low, dangerous voice.  
He took the hint, scrabbling backwards several paces before regaining his feet and running. The other two moved away from Souji nervously, then ran off as well. Souji panted for breath, suddenly tired after the adrenaline rush. He looked down at his hand, clenching and unclenching the fingers.   
How the hell did I do that?  
"Souji!" Luna was kneeling next to Keru, gently examining him with soft hands. She looked on the verge of tears. "This is horrible..." she choked out.  
The other boy knelt, afraid to touch Keru for fear of hurting him more. "Keru. Keru, say something," he said urgently.  
The blue-gray eyes flickered at the sound of his name. "Sou...ji..." he managed.  
Souji put out a hand to grip his shoulder, then retracted it, looking around for some part that wasn't injured. He settled on grasping Keru's hand. "Can you move? How bad is it?" he asked worriedly.   
My hand...he's holding my hand... Keru managed a small, reassuring smile. "I think so. I'm just a little sore. Can't be worse than what Derrik puts on you," he said half-jokingly.  
"Are you kidding" Souji said, biting his lip. "Derrik was positively nice compared to this.."  
"Derrik?" Luna queried. "You mean that guy we met earlier?"  
"Yeah, me," a rough voice said from behind them. Keru's eyes widened in surprise and he opened his mouth to shout a warning, but Souji had already turned and met Derrik's incoming fist with his hand, catching it. The two locked eyes for a long moment, Derrik's expression unreadable, before Derrik finally stepped back, retracting his fist. Behind him, his thugs were talking among themselves in hushed whispers, that the geek who had never fought back could catch one of Derrik's punches.  
Souji stood up. Unlike the usual meeting between the two, instead of watching the ground, Souji met Derrik's eyes squarely. He sighed. "Look, could this wait until tomorrow? My friend's injured and I need to take him home. Plus, you wouldn't want to have your fun in front of Luna, would you?"  
Derrik glanced over at the girl, still on the ground next to Keru. His eyes softened for a moment before he turned back to Souji. "All right, geek, I'll let you go this time, if."  
"If?" Souji said, a sinking feeling in his stomach.  
Derrik crossed his arms. "I saw your fight with that trash. You never told me you could fight, geek."  
This time, Souji looked away. "It was just a fluke," he mumbled.  
Derrik smirked slightly, then without warning launched a fist straight at Souji's face. His arm moved in a flash, catching the fist a few inches from his face. Derrik grinned and backed away again. "Hardly seems like a fluke to me. C'mon, fight with me. I haven't had a good fight in ages." His tone turned dangerous. "Or would you rather just do this the hard way?"  
Souji didn't reply. Derrik launched at him with a flurry of punches. Souji backed away, catching each one with his one hand. "This fight is pointless!" Souji yelled.  
"Stop just blocking my attacks and fight me!" Derrik yelled. "Give me your best, dammit!"  
Souji's eyes narrowed. "Why is violence the only thing you can think of?" he demanded, throwing aside Derrik's attack and launching into a forward motion of his own. Derrik blocked and threw back a few punches which were instantly blocked. Souji's attack was relentless, and it wasn't long before a missed punch caught Derrik in the face. He fell backwards into the ground hard.  
The rest of Derrik's gang gaped in shock. "You little jerk!" one of them shouted, lunging forward, then stopping as Derrik put out an arm.  
"Are you happy now?" Souji stated harshly before he turned back to Keru and Luna. He slid an arm under Keru's, pulling the injured boy to his feet and supporting some of his weight. With one last look at Derrik, Souji turned and walked away, Luna looking over at Derrik as well before following.  
"That was pretty good," Derrik called after Souji. "Next time, we'll both give it everything we got. It'll be great."  
Souji paused for a moment. "There won't be a next time," he said without turning around. He continued moving away.  
Derrik grinned. This time, it wasn't the condescending smirk he usually showed toward Souji, but rather a pure smile of gruding admiration. "Well, we'll see," he said quietly to himself.  
One of his gang looked at him, puzzled. "Boss, he's getting away."  
"Leave 'im. It's not worth it right now," Derrik said.  
"But..."  
"You wanna argue with me?" With a swift, almost casual move, Derrik had the punk's collar in his grip. "The geek's my punchin' bag, you thick morons get that? Or do I have ta pound it into you?"  
"Naw, we got it, boss. Right, boys?" The others all yelled their support of their chosen leader, and Derrik released him, turning away casually. "C'mon, clear out. I've got work to go to."  
"Yeah, boss! Hey, boss!" Their chatter followed him as he left.

Luna opened the back door to the house as Souji helped Keru through the door. "Luna, there's some aspirin in the bathroom cabinet upstairs, could you get some and a glass of water?"  
"Sure thing. Ohayou, otousama!" she called to Hyou, who was sprawled across the couch in the living room. He sat up, blinked, muttered something about it being afternoon, and flopped back down.  
Souji led Keru through the kitchen eased Keru down onto one of the pillows ringing the dining room table. "How do you feel?" he asked concernedly.  
Keru managed a grin. "Really, really sore."  
Souji picked up the phone and dialed Keru's parents. "I'll tell your mom you're over here and ask if you can stay the night. You should probably not move around any more than you have to. Moshi moshi, Matsushima no otaku desu ka?"  
Luna came back down the stairs with the aspirin and went into the kitchen to fetch Keru a glass of water. She returned quickly and offered both to Keru, which he gratefully accepted as Souji chattered on the phone. "Your mom says it's cool," he said as he hung up the phone.  
"Thanks, Souji," Keru said, swaying a bit. Luna sat next to him and supported his weight somewhat. "You're the best guy ever. I mean it."  
Hyou sat up again, noticing Souji finally. "Oh, there you are. Was wondering if you back yet. Wouldn't want you stomped by the monster, after all."  
Souji froze. "Monster?" he and Keru said in unison.  
"Oh yeah, they're making some big deal about some big black monster thing running through town. As if it doesn't happen often enough." Hyou shrugged and flopped back down.  
Souji and Keru looked at each other. Luna looked from one to the other, completely not understanding the Japanese conversation. "What is it?" she asked.  
"There's a monster in downtown," Souji said seriously.   
Luna nodded solemnly. "The Tia Gundam is needed, right? Let's go."  
Souji blinked at her. "You're okay with that? I mean?"  
She smiled. "Now that the exterior locks are unsealed, I can get in and out anytime I want. I also fixed the communications channel. So let's go!"  
"I'll come too!" Keru said, then winced as he tried to get up.   
Souji put a hand on his shoulder. "No, you shouldn't move."  
"But..." Keru tried to get up again.  
Souji gave him a lopsided, half-despairing smile. He reached out and ruffled the other boy's hair. "What am I supposed to do with you? Baaaaka. Stay put."  
Keru didn't look too happy, but he nodded. Souji grinned and patted his shoulder. "Good. This shouldn't take too long, I hope. C'mon, Luna."  
She nodded. "Right!"  
The two walked out to the barn. The Tia Gundam was in a sitting position, waiting for them. Luna climbed onto a leg and touched the stomach, and the metal plating slid aside, revealing the capsule in the middle. She stepped into it, the plates sliding back in place over her, the wires slipping into her exposed skin.  
Outside, the cockpit opened with the hiss of escaping air. Souji stepped in, the cockpit lighting up with displays. He sat down in the pilot's chair and grabbed the joystick.  
Luna's voice entered the cockpit. "Souji, can you hear me?"  
"Loud and clear, Luna. We have anything on this bakemono?"  
"Huh?"  
"Monster. What's up with it?"  
"I'm running through news reports right now. Apparently he's calling himself Nasty Knight. Oh, wait, this is a TV episode."  
Souji snorted. "Nasty Knight? This isn't an episode of Power Rangers!"  
In town, Jason David Frank and Johnny Yong Bosch looked up from their game of cards. "Damn," they muttered, and left.  
Souji blinked, then shrugged. "Oh well. You all strapped in, Luna?"  
"All systems reading green. Ready to launch."  
"All right. Tia Gundam, IKUZE!"  
"Huh?"  
"Launch."  
"Oh!"

Nasty Knight was having a lot of fun stomping around the town. Well, at least most people think he was, since he was doing a lot of it. It's not as if he was being particularly gleeful or anything, since all he was saying was "...", but I suppose if he didn't enjoy it, then he would stop, and he showed no signs of stopping soon, so--  
"GET ON WITH IT!" the masses yelled.  
"Yeah, this chapter is long enough as it is," Souji muttered.  
Stop breaking the fourth wall, dammit! The author erased the last two lines and everyone's memory of it, and resumed. The Tia Gundam soared over the town, heading toward the Nasty Knight.  
Meanwhile, the apathetic Monster of the Week (you'd think he'd put a little more heart into it, really), was still stomping around and causing collateral damage. He managed to step on one girl's groceries and dog. The dog was fine, the groceries were not.  
"You son of a--" the girl yelled as she pulled out a giant mallet out of nowhere and slammed it down on the monster's foot, before running off to stalk Johnny Yong Bosch. It said "..." as it always did, and clutched its foot in apathetic pain, hopping around in an apathetic manner.  
Souji sweatdropped as the Tia Gundam landed. "You know, I think this one just needs to be put out of its misery."  
"Be careful," Luna said. "We don't want to destroy any MORE of the city."  
"Any ideas?"  
"Actually, yes. Listen up..."  
The Tia Gundam landed in front of the Nasty Knight, unmoving at first as Souji listened to Luna's plan. "..." said the Nasty Knight.  
"..." was the response from the Tia Gundam.  
"..." the Nasty Knight replied.  
The Tia Gundam walked over to the Nasty Knight. It puts its hands up, ready for a fight, and the Tia Gundam reached behind its back...  
...and pulled out a beam ring. "Marry me?" Luna's voice came from the Tia Gundam's external speakers.  
The Nasty Knight exploded.  
Souji blinked. "What was that?" he asked Luna.  
Her voice was smug. "I knew that monster had to be male. Fear of commitment."  
Souji sweatdropped. "I resent that, you know."  
She giggled. "It's just a woman thing. Shall we go back now? Keru's probably getting a bit antsy."  
"Yeah, I guess so," he grumbled as the Tia Gundam lifted off again.

The binoculars lowered, revealing ice blue eyes. "Very good," Soliel said quietly. "You seem to do pretty well for yourself. But we'll see how you handle this next task, shall we?"

preview for Episode 7: Fanservice Beaches

Nanai sighed as she watched one of the guys splashed around in the shallows. "Now there, girls, is a real man," she said, pointing him out to the others chilling on the beach.  
Her friend Meg looked up and nodded. "Yeah, he is so hot..."  
"But that's not all," Katie added. "He can COOK."  
"No way!"  
"Way. He's an artist, too. And he can sew..."  
"God, he's like the perfect man, isn't he?" Meg said daydreamily.   
"I hear he's real sweet too," Katie said, idly chewing on the straw from her drink.   
"It figures," Nanai sighed. "The perfect guy, and he just has to be gay..."  
Souji looked down the beach. "Hey Keru, those girls are staring at you again."  
The boy scratched his head. "I don't get girls."

_Subtitles/Japanese lesson  
"Daijoubu?" = "You okay?"  
"Hai, hai..." = "Yeah, yeah..."  
"Ii desu ka?" = "That good?"  
"HENTAI!" = "PERVERT!"  
"Dare?" = "Who's this?"  
"Arigatou, otousama!" = "Thank you, honored father!"  
"Iie, iie. Saa, ojousan, namae wa?" = "Ah, shucks. So, miss, what's your name?"  
"Aimusaari-chan" = "Miss I'm Sorry"  
"Itte kimasu!" = "I'm leaving!"  
"irasshai" = "Have a safe trip"  
"Ohayou!" = "Good morning!"  
"Hai." = "Yes."  
"Iin desu ka?" = "Is this okay?"  
"Urusei." = "Shut up."  
"Ohayou, otousama!" = "Good morning, honored father!"  
_"Moshi moshi, Matsushima no otaku desu ka?" = "Hello is this the Matsushima residence?"  
"bakemono" = "monster"  
"Ikuze!" = "Go!"

_Credits:   
Souji played by: This guy  
Keru played by: That guy  
Luna played by: This girl  
Hyou Kanno played by: That guy over there  
Derrik played by: Some other guy  
Derrik's gang played by: The old home boys  
Three random thugs played by: Three people I later struck down with Holy Authorial Thunder  
Nasty Knight played by: Uh...someone I know...but I'm not telling...  
Smashed Groceries Mallet Weilding Girl played by: Khandreia  
Jason David Frank played by: The Green/White/Red Zeo/Red TurboRanger   
Johnny Yong Bosch played by: The Black/Green Zeo/Green Turbo Ranger _

_Bladed: ...you know, THAT guy.  
Tia Gundam designed by: Yeah, him again.  
Nasty Knight provided by Saban Entertainment, Inc.  
Khandri: Winner of this episode's Monster of the Week finder award thingie.  
Heero_Yuy84: The only other person left in the chat._

_Story-scripty...thing...done by tiakall/Riikii.  
Based off the RPG 'Ikuze! Salmon Comet Hygogg'...yes, we are STILL waiting for it...  
Nasty Knight can be found here:   
Drugs are bad, mm'kay?_


End file.
